Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Jonathan's LiveJournal:

Sunday, March 13th, 2005
12:06 am	parties i hate parties. and i hate myself for hating them. i truly with i could enjoy parties, and i wish that i had enjoyed them when i was in high school, i bet high school would have been more amusing. but whats the point of going to parties if you don't want to get drunk (which i don't), and aren't trying to hook up with someone (which i'm not). Being sweaty and hot and happy with other people seems fun, and i wish i could enjoy it. i don't know why i can't. most likely, i just suck. i'm completely lame. there's only one person i know who even enjoys my company. i'm so boring. i disgust myself. sometimes i wish i wasn't such a big nerd, katie would like me more, other people would like me more. i wish i had style and confidence, that i was well-dressed and that i wasn't fat and that i didn't like books and that i knew how to dance and that i was charming. i'm sorry that i'm so boring. i'm sorry that you guys occasionally have to listen to me. i really wish i had gotten stuff out of my system in high school. gone to keg parties, had sex with lots of people. then i wouldn't feel bad about not going to parties now. i could be a seasoned veteran who could look at parties with an air of detached superiority say "i remember when i did that". but now when i look at parties i just remember how lame i was in high school, which reminds me of how lame i continue to be.[katie just came in and asked me if i wanted to go to deli haus. i said no. why? because i suck and no one would enjoy my company. i don't know anything about anything thats interesting to anyone else. what do other people think is interesting?] whatev. i'm going to go read a math book or watch cartoons. i'm sure that will make me more interesting. i give up. Current Mood: grumpy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
12:21 am	quiz i copied bethany here. take the damn quiz and then scoreboard (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
11:51 pm	my day stupid day. woke up at 9:30 to go shopping for funeral clothes. bought: black slacks, black shoes, black socks. went grocery shopping afterwards for some fresh fruit and vegetables. this all took a few hours. by the time I got back, i had just a few hours to sit around and read before going to the wake.(I'm reading "Charlotte Simmnons" still, and its a really good book). Anyhow heres the rest of the day: The drive from Chapel Hill to rocky cross is about an hour and thirty minutes. Its always such a surprise to me that such a relatively short car ride separates UNC/Duke college towns and Southern Baptist tobacco farming country. Most of the drive is one the highway. At the behest of my sister we listened to country music, quite loudly, the entire way there. This was not fun. We get there, a small but decentralized town, basically just houses punctuated by 2acre lots. Everyone has propane tanks on their lawns, and at least 3 cars, all run down. My stepgrandmothers house was built relatively recently, its a one-story brick affair with a large front lawn. One walks in onto a faux-marble floor. To the right is a "fancy" living room with maroon carpet, a room that is totally useless, but old people always seem to have, its got ornate but cheap decorations, basically porcelin crap. Ahead is the main living room, with green carpeting. Noticibly absent are any indication of literacy; no books, not even any paper. My stepgrandmother married a man named Willard a few years ago and members of his family are in the living room. We are greeted by a 22 year old guy who is sitting in a lay-z-boy chair and he's completely unintelligible (i later found out that he helped a cousin of mine rob a pizza hut, he's willard's grandson). The rest of the family is preparing food, or setting it up. Most of the food is fried chicken, biscuits and various kinds of sweets. All of these people are eating the very stuff that killed the woman they are mourning. It's both ridiculous and sad. We didn't spend much time at the house before we went over to the funeral home. The sun had set a little while ago, and most of the drive over was fields illuminated by moonlight. Looking at all the of the houses we passed, i noticed that moonlight always shone from under them: they were all trailers up on cinderblocks. The funeral home was a windowless squat brick building, the size and shape of a U-stor-it warehouse. The entrance was made to look like a normal house (front porch, doorbell, and a small door), but the construction of the building made this addition totally incongruous. The interior was perhaps the worst designed and most horrible building i've ever seen. There was a main lobby type area, probably 20x30 feet. Pretty sizeable. Farther toward the back was a sort of post-chamber, a 30x30 room. To the left, off of the lobby and down a hallway was a chapel where the body lay. In this entire place the carpet was pink, and it was decorated in the most stomach churning way possible. Shitty soft-focus artwork of Anglo-Jeebus, posters about angels and some dumb slogans about hope. The post chamber was furnished with 2 couches and some chairs, which was waaaaaaaay too little, given its area. It looked like the way a room looks when someone has taken out all of their possessions and is leaving the furniture for the movers. The space felt really awkward. When people started coming the line to view the body wrapped back into this room and wiggle around, like a line at the post office. People waited in line for hours to view the body. My family and I just sat around with people saying "sorry". There isn't much more too this. The rest of the day was symmetric (i.e. the crowd died, we went back to the house and then we went home). Its weird, but the thing i noticed most about the whole day was the complete abscence of the written word. No books or papers in houses, nothing to read in general except those little plaques with bible verses you can buy for 5.99 at wal-mart. It was just weird. That was my day. Incidentally, while we're on the topic of my stepgrandmothers death. It turns out that a couple of months ago she had complained of chest pains and gone to the hospital. they told her that she had some fluid around her heart and sent her home. They refused to do a catheterization. After she died, my uncle ordered an autopsy. Of the four arteries that go to the heart, one was completely, 100% clogged, two were 75% clogged. She was essentially working with only one artery. Now the interesting part: My uncle who ordered the autopsy is a trial lawyer, and a friend of vice-presidential nominee/medical malpractice lawyer John Edwards. Also, my uncles firm handle stuff like this. In short, i think the hospital will not be happy. I'm going to go read now. I've got to get up and go the the funeral tomorrow. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
11:25 pm	song list here's what i get for the first twenty songs: 1. then he'll feel up your girlfriend in front of your ghost 2. pouring whiskey down the barrell of our guns 3. he was there, smelling like nicotine and peanut-butter 4. he took his sister from his head and painted her on the sheets 5. til the time when I can do my dancing with a partner 6. i should have thought things through 7. let me tell you this for sure, the things we're doing just ain't pure 8. i had a brain that felt like pancake batter 9. sorry I made a mess, sorry I bled to death 10. we'd a fight - you never threatened to stop breathing countless times 11. shaking like a dog shitting razorblades 12. combatative, repetitive. thrown out to funk you out 13. I could not say why, on this summer evening 14. we're not the ones who made the streets unsafe to walk at night 15. voices tell me i'm the shit 16. and it took bites, out of her insides, till she was just a hollow shell 17. you don't have to sell your body to the night 18. jesus loves you more than you will know (easy, I know) 19. so close your eyes, kiss me one last time 20.no nervous reaction, just another blank expression from me (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 10th, 2004
8:08 pm	woohoo hey look i have a live journal now. (4 Comments |Comment on this)